


It Doesn't Hurt

by ro_mm_ck



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, F/M, More Joy Day Fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-14
Updated: 2010-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-11 18:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/115689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ro_mm_ck/pseuds/ro_mm_ck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow deals with Angel's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Doesn't Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: From: velvetwhip who actually requested "Willow/Angel, sorrow" for More Joy Day. She's the only one on Earth who could request such a thing for today and I would deliver. PLUS! IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABRIELLE!!!! Only for you would I make myself cry on More Joy Day. Inspired by the song "It Doesn't Hurt" by Katie Thompson. If you've not heard it, [get thee to this page](http://blip.fm/profile/countessmary/blip/30441071/Katie_Thompson-It_Doesnt_Hurt)! It's amazingly sad, but awesome! Thanks: To luvscharlie for the super quick beta.

Breathing. It shouldn't be this difficult. One should be able to just take oxygen into the body and keep it functioning like it's meant to. It shouldn't hurt so much to just breathe.

Willow had expected to be upset when the news of Angel's death came through. She'd expected to be in Buffy's room comforting her, brushing her hair away from her face, and holding her until the tears slowed and the day could be faced once more. It was totally understood that she would be holding a box of tissues and a bowl of cookies and cream ice cream as she walked into the room and she and Buffy would deal with this together.

What she hadn't even come close to anticipating was that her whole body would feel like it was dying. Every cell from her fingers to her heart felt as if it were singularly grieving the loss. She felt as if her brain had disconnected itself from the rest of her body and she was still alive only through the sheer force of her will.

She couldn't get herself out of the chair she had herself curled up in. Her fiery hair fell in a curtain over her face as her mind whirled through years of friendship with the dark haired vampire. If she wanted to admit a truth to the empty room, she would have to say that there had been love for him. She'd watched over him while she was in high school and that's where it had begun. His fever made him think she was Buffy but she couldn't help but dream about being in that moment and having it come out differently.

Tears finally began to stream down her face as the many years lost became abundantly clear. Grief for days they should have spent together. When Buffy had died, he was the first person she'd wanted to see. She'd fled Sunnydale with the hopes of finding comfort and all she found was a heartbroken man. It became clearer that his love was only for the Slayer. She'd made the decision to let go of the school girl feelings and let him go. It still ached to think about, all of these years later, but she couldn't hold onto the hope anymore, it hurt too much.

Fred had changed all of that. When she'd come to Los Angeles to return Angel's soul, she saw a completely different man. She saw a man who had moved on from his obsession with the one person who was supposed to destroy him. He'd become even more human in the years they'd been separated, though somehow he retained the fierceness that had drawn her to him. It wasn't ferocity, like a lion or a normal vampire, but something in his carriage and demeanor that convinced a person that he was focused and in control. Willow had always wondered what it would be like to have that laser like focus on her.

It scared her to think about joining Angel with his soul again. It scared her to think that she could have helped him, could have helped them all... Her body shook with sobs as she thought of him being torn apart by demons. The man who had saved her countless times and he'd only needed her so few times and she'd failed him. She'd let him die. She let a champion bleed slowly into the concrete.

"I'm sorry," she said as she opened her eyes and let the tears fall, soaking into her hair and pasting it to her face. She could feel the bile rising in her stomach as her sniffles drained into her body. The sick feeling only got worse as she let herself truly weep in earnest.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered quietly as she tried to lift herself from the seat. Unable to get her body to comply with even the most basic commands, she fell to her hands and knees on the floor. The contents of her stomach emptied out onto the plush carpet in front of her. It seemed as if her body couldn't keep any part of the feeling inside and all she could do was fall to the side and roll a few feet away. She closed her eyes and clutched her stomach. If she didn't open them, the tears wouldn't come and Willow felt as if she'd cried tears enough to fill the room.

The air shifted next to her face as a breeze filled the room. Blinking her vision clear, she opened her eyes. Her window had been opened and what filled it was beyond any kind of logic or understanding she could come up with. She sat up from the floor, wiped her mouth, and just stared. Blinking to be sure it wasn't a dream or a mirage; she tilted her head and began to cry again.

"Angel?"


End file.
